Over the past few weeks, I’ve been involved in numerous conversations expressing the frustration around the willingness to serve in a community and yet not quite fully commit to being part of it. Tonight, I heard preach that we should blur the lines between inside and outside; that there should be no distinction between what goes on inside and what goes on outside, because essentially, we should reflect our community.
This frustrates me because I know we don’t reflect our community. We serve in the local high school and yet are unwilling to commit to sending our own to the local high school. I kept getting frustrated thinking that as a church community, we’re hypocritical.
Then I looked at myself…
I am willing to commit to serving a community 15 minutes out of town but I’m unwilling to move there. Part of my reasoning is that I’m comfortable where I am. And yet, in terms of where my heart is, it’s not here. I’ve been commissioned to work “over there” and my heart’s in it but I’m not budging.
I’m scared I’ll have no friends.
I’m scared I’ll become one of the many who feel isolation.
I’m scared of living with non-religious folk.
I’m scared of not being able to afford a decent living.
So I’m still here. Freaked out and yet convicted that maybe the right thing is to buy into the place and instill my own hope into that community. If I love it and show that I love it, perhaps others will learn to love it too.