I am currently surrendered to a chest infection. Usually when I get sick, I have this overwhelming urge to clean things. Last week I tidied my room until it caned me. Once, I was home sick and spent the day on my hands and knees scrubbing floors. It’s easy when I’m sick, to use it as an excuse to do the things I should have done ages ago.
But yesterday and today are quite different. Yesterday, I spent most of the day in bed, until a friend came and picked me up and took me to the doctor. I should also probably say it took me a while to get over my pride and actually ask someone to take me. I tend to want to do things myself. Today, I’ve spent the morning in a rocking chair facing the sun, drinking tea, crocheting the beginnings of a throw rug, reading, and listening to Jeremy Camp. I have completely surrendered to this bug.
There’s a great picture of surrender (in his song with the same title), that Camp gives of surrendering to a great throne. And immediately I’m transported back to Isaiah’s moment in front of the throne (Isaiah 6).
In the year that king Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated in a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory’
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
‘Woe to me!’ I cried. ‘I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips. and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.’
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it, he touched my mouth and said, ‘See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.’
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’
And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’
Isaiah surrendered to something so much bigger. I’m quite often reminded of how untrusting I can be. I’m a bit of a worry wart and there are moments that I’ll internally stress about things (whilst externally try not to give off the vibe that I’m quite insecure. But I look back through my history and find that when things were really low God truly did appear and pull through for me. Of course, there was one particular dark moment in my history where it felt like he wasn’t there. And it’s a moment between us that I still don’t really understand. But he’s been here all along watching me while I flounder.
I feel like I had my throne moment years ago, but I wonder if it has to happen more often than just the once. If every now and then, when we feel like we’re completely on top of our game and we can do no wrong in God’s kingdom mission, that we have to come back and remember just who’s mission this actually is.