I don’t normally do new years resolutions. I tend to think they’re a waste of time and I don’t often make ones that are generally designed to make some positive impact on my life. This year though, I decided I needed to find sanity. I know it sounds really broad, but for someone like me who has so much going on in so many different aspects of life, it gets easy to want to blob in front of a TV set thinking that it’s going to be somehow relaxing, but actually I won’t find it that way at all. I’ll often find that I’ll enjoy an hour of it… a couple more hours pass… and suddenly my entire evening has passed. I go to sleep and wake up to a new day only to repeat the same rhythm. And I don’t just sit in front of the TV, but I have my laptop open on my knees waiting to see if someone’s communicated with me. I’m not addicted to noseying my way through peoples lives on facebook. In fact, I think I’ve hidden most people from my newsfeed because I couldn’t care less. I’m just addicted to the knowing whether someone has communicated with me or not.
So I’m attempting to practice new rhythms. Last year at a youth leaders training event, I listened to a guy talk about finding a rhythm of life that actually beats in sync with who we are. I don’t really know what my spiritual rhythm is yet but I figure the only way to really discover it is to get rid of some of the clutter or practice ways of somehow minimising it.
I tidied my room. Somehow, that’s helped heaps. Although, I’ve found (somehow) that I’ve acquired more clothes. It’s like I developed some girl obsession for shopping in the past couple of years and just kept buying clothes. That’s fine because I kinda needed to, but I need to get rid of some of the old stuff.
I gave my facebook password away. I think facebook is a great tool. When you’re like me, you have a cousin here, a cousin there, a few friends overseas and a few more over there. It’s a great way to keep in touch. I also think facebook is a great waste of time. And when you’re addicted to knowing whether or not the world has something to say to you, it becomes a phenomenal waste of time.
I’ve been practicing the beauty of “off-call” times. I’m not very good at turning my phone off and leaving it off. If I’m out and it’s in my bag, I’ll want to check it. It’s like I’m continually on-call (and addicted to knowing whether the world has something to communicate with me). So I’ve been practicing leaving it behind. I’ve become so good at it that sometimes I unintentionally leave it behind. Of course, I have to be conscientious and let my flatmates know where I am if I’m going to be home late.
This life that I’m trying to create isn’t necessarily about trying to cut things out. It’s more about trying to create something positive. I want more time for people I love. Being in a people profession, I get amazingly tired pretty fast, but even to spend time crocheting gifts for people, writing cards and letters, knitting peggy squares for hospitals in Romania, sending substantial emails, etc. would be enough people time for me to not have to physically be sitting face to face with someone. That is relaxing. That’s not to say I’ll stop watching TV or facebooking. I love Modern Family, Big Bang Theory and other such shows. But with boxed sets, I can watch them any time that doesn’t involve sitting and passing 3-10 wasted hours (10 is a bit extreme I know…).
I want to spend time doing things I love…
I want to re-learn to draw and paint. I want to make that mobile of obsolete keys that I meant to do months ago. I want to finish crocheting this blanket for my niece. I want to make one for my nephew. I want to quilt. I want to write more. I want to learn good gardening. I want to finish the worm farm we started over a year ago. I want to get stuck into these books on my bookshelf that I’ve never read (most of the books on my bookshelf). I want to listen to whole albums. I want to learn blues guitar. I want to make and sends cards to my sponsored children. I want to write more music. I want to write to people. I want to explore second-hand bookstores. I want to spend more time breathing. I want to still be able to enjoy sunsets after a crazy day. I want to see more sunrises. I want to explore and journey. And I want to find a melody to somehow incorporates a spiritual motion… that somehow God and I can play together.
Lots of wants but it’s fair I think.