You know how you see someone for the first time in forever and in your head (or if you’re forward, you do it out loud), you say, “wow… you really let yourself go” – and we don’t mean that they look a little shabby, we actually mean they look fat? Well I’ve been “letting myself go” since I was a teenager. When I was younger, I was a keen netballer, basketballer, cricketer, and footballer. Then something happened that shattered my self-esteem even more than it already was and I just started eating (Sky TV also happened). My brother and I would come home from school and dive into an entire loaf of bread. Then we’d eat a can of spaghetti (each), and just keep eating. And when dinner came, we were still eating. Then he’d go for a run and I’d sit down and watch TV.
My parents have always commented on my size. When I was 12, they were calling me fat and when I was 16 they asked my why I couldn’t be as skinny as I was when I was 12 – “oh you were so small back then!” There was actually no winning. I love sport. I have total coordination and zero-fitness. I was good. I was good enough for A-squad netball and then I “let myself go”. Part of me wanted to. I was sick of giving a shit about being skinny. Always being told that I needed to get skinny and the more I was told, the less I gave a shit.
Then I got married. He has never once commented on my size. In fact, he loves the curves. But the more we journey together the more I realise how little I’d be able to cope if he just kicked the bucket one day at a young age. And I thought to myself, wow, if he loves me as much as I love him and we love our journey together and want more time, I need to do something. I could stroke or heart-attack before I’m 30 (and I’m 2 years away from 30). So, I went to a clinic that specialise in rebalancing my body’s hormones and they gave me an eating plan. At the 4 week mark (the last time I was officially weighed), I weighed 11.3kgs less than what I had when I started (which was a lot). I didn’t do this for anyone or because anyone told me to. I did it because I want to live longer for myself, and for my hubby and for whatever lies in our future. I mean, sure a bus could hit me tomorrow, but flip, at least I’ll have tried my hand at a healthier life.
We’ve got some pretty mean goals too. I’m looking forward to playing netball again and I’m looking forward to trying my hand at volleyball. I’m looking forward to spending less money on clothes – being able to fit sale clothes at glassons (I hate glassons and I hate their clothes (but the point is, I’ll be able to fit them!). And my husband and I would love to see the beautiful places in NZ you can only get to on foot. I’m looking forward to the tramping adventures and the beautiful things we’ll get to experience together.
It’s a little weird posting this on the interwebs but then, I’m excited about the journey. We all find it a little hard to talk about our weight-issues and all of us carry a lot more than fat, but also years of torment in being called “fat” or “ugly” or having it implied that no one would ever be interested in us… Which reminds me, when I first told mum about my new boyfriend, she responded with “oh people are actually interested in you??” Sounds like a bitch I know but she’s ok. She’s just got her hangups and they’re a bit different to mine. Also, Samoans can be pretty forward. They love joking about how fat you are. And if you cry, it means you can’t take a joke. Serious. Samoans are also really annoying when it comes to food. My dad is now telling me I don’t eat enough. Story of my life really. My cousin will vouch for it too. We spend years getting told that we need to lose weight and as soon as we visit the parentals, they make us eat… and then they make us eat some more… and then some.
haha anyway… it’s study time.
love & peace,