…I think it’s time.
I’m not gonna lie. I spent about a week eating crap… and drinking whiskey. There were a few happys to celebrate and a few sads to drown. And at the end of that week, I’d earned myself an unhealthy 2kgs. This may seem pretty minor but I’m so close to the 90s I can smell it. I started at a whopping 141.7kgs. I can talk about it pretty freely these days because I’m not that anymore, but flip, that’s what I used to be. Now, I’m breathing heavily down the neck of 99.9, but then something happens, temptation calls, and Lani falls.
Alas, I’m on day 2 of my “deviation-free” journeying with my food plan.
I’ll tell you now, it’s pretty tough getting back into it when you’re on a roll with the crap eating business. Once you let that chip down your throat, the rest of the handful has gotta go down too. And then you might as well keep going since you’re already off route anyway. Stupid but true mentality. Also not gonna lie… had a mental breakdown the other day. I was totally over eating healthy food, and I threw a tantrum and told my husband that I wasn’t going to eat lunch… then I told him I was going to eat McDonalds. But then after some gentle convincing on his behalf, I took vege & cheese bake to work and ate that. I got to morning tea time and felt grateful I had lunch (thanks honey!!). Although… yesterday, some women were doing a fundraiser selling curries for a good cause. There are 19 people in my office and 3 people didn’t order curry. One doesn’t like hot food (and I’ve never seen him eat food before anyway), one is vegetarian but she was out… which left me.
Do you remember at primary school when they used to have sausage sizzle days (or canteen days or buy your lunch day or whatever)? And there was always that one kid that didn’t bring their $2?? Totally felt like that kid.
All negativities aside however, I’m actually doing ok.
I can fit a size 16 pair of jeans. I haven’t been size 16, probably since I was 16. But do you know what this means??? It means I can shop at “normal people” shops!! WOAH!!
When you’re a size 22, the last thing you like doing is shopping, because most “normal” shops only go up to 16. So it means you’re limited to the “fat people section” in Farmers, Ezi-buy, or Postie… or Trademe (which is often less depressing).
This is pretty awesome because it means cheaper shopping.
Sad news is that my consultant has moved on. She’s been pretty amazingly supportive and encouraging. Though I don’t need much. Just a good kick up the arse now and again. That said, my husband is about the best support I could ever ask for. We often talk about strengths-based practice in social work and he epitomises it.
“you’re doing amazing!!” “Oh wow!! Look at you go!!”
The guy is a bubbling ball of positivity and I love him.
Anyway, I’ve lost 38kgs now. That’s pretty amazing right?
Peace out homies,